Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Mother Nature, Why Do You Mock Me?

I rejoiced when you started playing havoc with my fertility. Hooray, I cried! Goodbye, cramps! Goodbye, unexpected visitor! Goodbye, monthly expense! I happily traded it for the long white hair that randomly popped out on my chin, because really, that's much less of an inconvenience.

It was sort of sad that my chin and my waist started to disappear. I accepted that, because you can't fight genetics. And who's looking, anyway?

I only whimpered when you took away my favorite vegetable, broccoli, which I ate 3 or 4 times a week, and which is so chockful of good things for you. I tried to eat it again yesterday, boiled to death to see if that altered the outcome, but alas, no.  I merely sighed and wiped away a tear.

But this morning, this?!  No, I protest, Madam, I protest!

I should not wake up at 48 to find a zit has appeared overnight on my nose! You are not playing fair! And I, I who have been actively trying to convince my fellow middle-aged women that all is good as we slide in to 50 and silverdom, that we should embrace the natural rhythm of life and the universe, that we are wise, not hags--I now have decided that you are mean. You are mean, Mother Nature, and I don't like you right now.

PS Ah, I see that you are also playing with the minds of physicists today. "A Black Hole Mystery Wrapped in a Firewall Paradox."  I do not care if you want to tackle Einstein, mano a mano. As for me--back off, baby.

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